Pain after breakup is inevitable for sure. We spent our time, feelings and most important feelings in relationship for years. The bond developed with a special person in our life feels so good and soothing and being in a long term relationship with someone feels like that it will never end. But unfortunately, everything has its end. Now a days, the term relationship become so fragile because in this hustle and bustle of today's world human become practical towards life and less emotional and Empathetic towards others. The ratio of unsuccessful relationships becomes high no matter how much a person invest in his relationship.
Being a Clinical Psychologist,every day people comes to me with a similar query that why I am unable to forget the person I love? Why it's so painful to let it go the person I love? Why it's taking long time to forget attachment with that person? So trying to forget someone you love is never an easy task and it is so frustrating that sometimes you feels like you will never be able to do that. When things become unknown to us then it's becomes more complications to us. So it's better for us to know that how and why it's so hard to let it go someone you love.
1. Attachment:
There is no doubt in the fact that to survive we needs to be attached and loved. The process of involving and attaching with each other is going on from the day this world came into being.
2. Chemistry:
It is important to know that just like anything love also go through complete process. It has a complete chemistry in our brain which results in feelings of both pain and happiness. In early days of love a hormone called dopamine increases which play a role in making us feel happy but lowers the level of serotonin.
Do you even wonder that why in love you become so obsessive, restless and doubtful when your loved one hasn't text you back and you just become anxious that whether your boyfriend still loves you or not? This all happens because of the low serotonin.
As soon as your relationship grows and attachment is formed, level of dopamine raises and transform into more serotonin and oxytocin which makes you feel more calm and rest.
When we are fully settled in relationship and become attached to that person, oxytocin produced by sending time together , receiving affection through physical touch , holding hands etc. Unfortunately, when obstacle begin to develope in relationship, good moments turns into a nightmare and when your relationship is just falling apart, dopamine begins to raise because of uncertainty and diversity in relationship. We feel more intense love towards our partner.
Finally, when relationship ends and person left us, our brain actually craves for the chemicals that used to produce during our romantic relationship. This is the point where it becomes so hard to stop those cravings because stoping these craving is just equal to stop yourself for alcohol or any drug.
Now the biggest mistake which we do after breakup is that some people keeps running back and remains in contact with that person and as a result they never be able to move on and forget that person because having contact with that person means feeding those chemicals and that's why people used to complaint that they are unable to fully that person from their lives.
3. Lack of social support:
People who have hard time forgetting their romantic partner used to be loner or they lack social support. They usually have non supportive family where they found no sufficient amount of support and care. When people have not sufficient social circle or if they lack productive activity in their life then it is quite clear that such people have hard time forgetting their loved ones and move forward in their life. On the other hand, people who have enough social support from their family and friends have ability to deal with any mishap quickly.
4. Uncertainty and lots of questions being left in your mind:
The worst part of breakup is when you have so many questions which are left unanswered, when you are unsure that why you are being left by the person you love most. The feelings of rejection start apprehend your mind and you become more confused that what happened actually?Why those warm feelings of love and affection turns cold? We start ruminating and asking questions that where all the love and feelings gone? Why did he changed?There is no doubt that after breakup people still find reasons and logics to save their relationship.
Apart from the pain caused by lack of answers, confusion and uncertainty, we seek closure from our x partner and it torment us when we find no satisfactory closure.
I know you are going through a lot of pain because you have to let go the person you love. But you can overcome it. Just remember the history that we are made to be attached and how these chemicals play their roles. Understanding those things will help you to let go of someone you love.
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